Europe to Adopt  English as Main Language

    The European Commission have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preffered language for European communications, rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year plan for what will be known as Euro-English.
    In the first year, S will be used instead of soft C. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard C will be replaced with K. Not only will this klear up any konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when troublesome PH will be replaced by F. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a dterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent E's in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.
    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing TH by Z and W by V.
    During ze fifz year, ze uneserary O kan be dropd from words kontaining OU and similar changes vil of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be nomor trubuls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu inderstand ech ozer.
    Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Anonymous

It's getting smaller man!
  Scientists have said that if computers get much smaller we will all need an operation to reduce the size of our hands. Laptops and Palmtops are getting so small it will soon be impossible to use them without the op. A Psion spokesman said "We like small, small is good." We don't know what he looked like, he couldn't see over the table.

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